In the night when clouds pass by,
Full of pain these eyes cry,
A faded picture of you appears on the wall,
Memories spent with you begins to crawl,

The beautiful spark that was between us,
Innocent blooming love that could make any soul jealous,
When everything was just going fine,
Why did our interests not align?
After all the caring for nights and days,
I still don’t know why we broke up and parted our ways,
I thought I would always make it right,
Never imagined you could ever be out of sight,

Although we argued and fought each other,
At the end of day, we were together,
Fights at dusk always dissolved with greetings of good mornings,
My days won’t be great without your morrow rings,

In the night when clouds cover the moon,
I ask myself, “Will it be all over soon?”
I don’t wanna live in this darkness,
When will moon of happiness tear down colors of sadness?

In the night when I stare at the roof,
I keep turning sides, coz sleep from eyes is unhooked,
Your sweet voice echoes from far behind,
Purpose of my life without you, where do I find?

In the dawn when sunrays brighten my face,
I check my phone accidently for your presence,
Then I realize those were the days of past,
Happy moments are ephemeral, they seldom last,

A feeling of emptiness after unheard prayer,
My life seems to crumble in despair,
With the thought of a moment spent with you, my heart dances,
I, sometimes wonder if dying love also has chances,

In the day when I smile widely outside,
There is nothing but a void inside,
If it were possible to rip heart out,
I would be the first to try it out.

Copyright © 2016, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.

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Well, this question is bugging me for the past few months.
What profession would I have chosen if each profession is equally valued and earns me equal salary?

Before I dive into thoughts and weave webs about my feelings of living life , here is something which has fuelled my desires to live and changed my perspective of life completely:
Life is not always about destination. Sometimes the journey is more important and beautiful. Sometimes, you don’t care about where you want to reach. It just takes one special person to make that journey refreshing, enjoyable and memorable.

Once I started thinking about this, I started having a gut feeling that this is not the life I always wished to have. A life which gives me enough money to survive in this inflated world. A life where everything is virtual. A life where we stalk each other on web and develop a simple perception based on what we see and read. The vast majority of my past “likes” on social sites have been given by the people, whom I never met. Even if we have got a popular profile with tons of views, it’s not the profile which gets bored and lonely, it’s just us. Social networks have penetrated our lives to such extent that instead of experiencing real life, we keep our eyes constantly glued to screen and our ears filled with earbuds, putting our energy in judging people online who show others only a fraction of who they actually are in real life. Data says, if Facebook were a country, it would have the third-highest population, behind China and India. How cool!

I wish there were some app which could notify, “Hey! you need to enjoy fresh air. It has been long when you met real people”. After acquisition of Nest by Google, we can even expect such technology in near future.

I always wanted to make money, lots and lots of money so that I could live a king size luxurious life. A big Bungalow, a good wife(really?) and a Mercedes(I didn’t know a better car that time :P) to take a drive. That long drive on the non-ending hilly roads in the dusk of monsoon, with drops of rainy water gently kissing our faces, with a no care in the world. But in this tightly packed busy-busy schedule, all those dreams are lost. Those dead sunken dreams are awoken by just one incident. That one incident happened when I chose to watch Zindagi na milegi dobara (You get to live life only once) on a boring Sunday noon, which pumped adrenaline in my veins. An adrenaline rush to fuel my desire to live. An insight that materialistic things were never meant to be the sources of real happiness.  Sometimes, we don’t need to seek happiness elsewhere. It is just within us. We only need to take a break, hold and look inside.

I have been more interested in photography, cars, traveling while being closer to nature. Nothing is more soothing than capturing moments you live in a camera so that you can relive those moments, freshen your memories when needed. Nature, beautiful nature. That wind whispering through the dry grass. Those golden flowers waltzing in the gentle breeze. Transparent water droplets splashed when a huge waterfall strikes the big stones on its way give a much more pleasant feeling, a feeling of relaxation, a feeling which is non comparable.

With all these thoughts, I realize I have never been so much wrong in my entire 25 years. But all this is only a feeling, like a fragrance floating in air, which can only be felt, which lasts only for couple of moments and then gets lost like we do in this fast moving technological world.

I have never been so lonely. I wish to explore the things around me before it’s too late, before my passion is crushed by the pressure of responsibility.

In the last 10 months, I started exploring the world. Trying out different things have been fun for me. I never thought I would ever get this much time for all these stuffs without hampering my work . They say it’s just about priorities and time management. Some people call me travel junkie, someone that crazy to save every penny for the next travel. Some call me adventure seeker, may be because I lived life to the extreme, may be because I have tried many things: Bungee jumping, Parasailing, Sea walking, Sky diving, Scuba diving.

To know and understand things better, I started picking up things one by one, dancing, piano, poem, photography. And the list goes on. Someone has said, 20 years from now, you would regret less about the things you did than the things you didn’t. I wish I would have started this earlier. Anyways, It’s better late than never.

There are things yet to explore, places yet to visit and experiences yet to garner. Who knows, while doing so, I may find my life companion. I could then someday tell, “And bwoy, this is how your mom and dad met”.

After exploring so many things, traveling seems to be just made for me. A guy who easily mingles with new people, never afraid of trying out new adventures and flexible enough to easily adapt to the new surroundings and culture. Traveling has changed me a lot. It has turned me into a writer, a poet. Someone has rightly said, “Traveling – It first leaves you speechless, and then it turns you into a storyteller”.

You know what, I have turned 25 this year. Why do I still feel like I haven’t achieved much? Why do I still feel I could have done much more? A writing from Ghalib beautifully explains my situation:

Thousands of desires each worth dying for,
Many of them I have realized…yet I yearn for more.

At this age of life, I am,
Too young to start saving for a future, too old to live carefree,
Too young for people to take you seriously, too old to speak your mind freely,
Too young to settle down, too old to switch your profession,
Too young for philosophies, too old for cartoons.

An excerpt from ZNMD which is true to its each word:

Did we ever quit our jobs, switch off our phones, leave all tensions behind and just travel? No. We’ve only been planning of this while life passed us by? This ‘my bwoy’ is a serious problem! We live just once but die everyday at the hands of our mundane lives. May be, it’s time to explore the unexplored and let the road decide our destination.

Signing off for now. Hope you enjoyed reading this. If you have something to share, I would love to hear. After all this is how we connect, by listening, by telling, by sharing, isn’t it?

Copyright © 2016, Aashish Barnwal,  Some rights reserved.

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I’ll reach to your heart
Coz I’m flying like a bird
Though the road is not that fine
I’m battling for what is mine

There is bloodshed and there is burn
The whole world is short for me to run
My mind has gone blunt and my eyes are shut
The wings of love keep me up

The cloud seems to hit me like big ocean waves
I have to face this, or I’ll break

I don’t know a hush descended where we are
If it’s an ambush I have to make it far
I wish the rain could wipe out the traces from where I’ve passed
Turn up the pages and give my life a new cast
Your mere presence could wake me up once before dying
That’s why I’m knocking your door, I’m still trying
The tears of hope won’t quench the fire till the sun shines
I will battle till my last breath for what is mine.

Copyright © 2016, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.

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I’m here,
Do you know?
I’m waiting for you,
Do you know?

O oo oo oo o,

It’s been long since I heard from you,
I just wanna have a word with you,
All I wanna say,
I feel for you,
Only you and you and you,

Your silence is killing me,
Do you know?
I’m waiting for a sign,
Do you know?

Give a gesture
you are there,
Give a sign
the road is clear,
I’ll come all way
tell me where,

La la la la la la,

You feel for me,
Let me know,
Do you love me?
Yes or No?

Why don’t you say anything?
This much patience isn’t my thing,
Even a small sign will give a ring,
You’ve to believe, it’s not a fling,

I can see you
from my roof,
Give a gesture
it’s not a goof,
Call my name
I need a proof,

O oo oo oo o,

Can you see me?
Let me know,
Do you hear me?
Let me know,

I can stop at your door,
Ask for li’l love, nothing more,
But that’s not the way it’ll work,
This is why I fear,

I wanna let you know,
I just can’t let you go,
You’re a wonder,
Do you know?

O oo oo oo o,

I’m in love with you,
Do you know?
I’m waiting for you,
Do you know?

All the time
in rain and snow,
I’ve seen seasons
come and go,
I’m waiting for you,
Do you know?

O oo oo oo o

Copyright © 2016, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.

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Tere mere ishq ki katha hai kya,
Mujhe tumse kitna pyaar hai,
Bata dun kya,

Sadiyon ka pyaasa,
Tu iss jeevan ki paribhasha,
Mujhe tera nasha hai,
Bata dun kya,

Mujhe mehsoos hua hai,
Tum sa na koi duja hai,
Tu mere jeene ki wazah hai,
Bata dun kya,

Tera mera rishta hamesha,
Koi prem kahani na ho aisa,
Mujhe teri chahat hai,
Bata dun kya,

Maine khuda se tumhe puchha hai,
Har dua mein tumhe maanga hai,
Mujhe teri khwaish hai,
Bata dun kya,

Tere mere ishq ki katha hai kya,
Mujhe tumse kitna pyaar hai,
Bata dun kya,

Tu jo paas hai,
Mujhko na koi pyaas hai,
Yeh kaisa ehsaas hai,
Bata dun kya,

Main ab sota nahi hun,
Shab se subah tak tumhe sochta hun,
Mujhe tera rog hai,
Bata dun kya,

Maine dil mein chhupai hai,
Tasveer jo tumhari hai,
Yeh sath rahega hamesha,
Bata dun kya,

Yeh kaisa ehsaas hai,
Sadiyon ki pyaas hai,
Mujhe tere pyaar ki aas hai,
Bata dun kya,

Tu mere jeene ki wajah hai kya,
Har saans pe tera naam likha hai kya,
Tu mere jeene ki wajah hai kya,
Har saans pe tera naam likha hai kya,

Tere mere ishq ki katha hai kya,
Mujhe tumse kitna pyaar hai,
Bata dun kya.

Copyright © 2016, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.

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I am never gonna feel the same
I did when you were with me
I am never gonna love anyone the same
Why can’t you see?

Baby you took the breath away from me
Left me to live in this pain
I see you in my sleepless nights
Holding an umbrella for me in the rain

I am never gonna feel the same
I did when you stood by me

You cuffed me in chains of memories
Left me to live in this jail
I wanna be there with you
Be its heaven or hell

I am never gonna laugh the same
All funny moments are gone with you

You rendered me so helpless
Left me to live in this distress
Take me wherever you go
Don’t leave me feel this low

I am never gonna rock the dance floor again
Why did you leave me to live in this pain?
Baby you left in my heart a hole
Left here a body with no soul

I am never gonna feel the same
I did when you were with me
All the pain I’ve been going through
Why does it not happen with you too?

Copyright © 2016, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.

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Jab se tumhe dekha,
Meri dhadkan badh gai hai,
Yeh saansein bhi ab mujhse,
Kuch kuch yeh keh rahi hai,
Tu hi hai,
Jeene ki meri tamanna,

Tu jo paas se guzri,
Meri neendein ud gai hain,
Khwabon ke mahal mein,
Raatein yun kat rahi hain,

Yeh dil dhak dhak karta hai,
Bas chahta tujhe hai paana,
Tumse yun milne,
Dhoondhta hai koi bahana,

Tere chehre ki muskurahat,
Mujhe chhu kar yun nikal gai,
Bhul gaya main rona,
Bas hansi hi sath reh gai,

Kuch aisa asar kiya tumne,
Main sote sote jaagta hun,
Sapnon ke jahan mein,
Khyalon ke pul bandhta hun,

Jab se tumhe dekha,
Meri dhadkan badh gai hai,
Yeh saansein bhi ab mujhse,
Kuch kuch yeh keh rahi hai,
Tu hi hai,
Jeene ki meri tamanna.

Copyright © 2016, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.

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There is something that
Eyes are void of sleep,
They cry somewhere down deep,

There is something that
Heart is lost somewhere,
Going through the things, it wants to share,

There is something that
Mind is unstable, restless,
It looks for the source to chase,

There is something that
Soul is alone,
It finds familiar faces unknown,

There is something that
Lips have forgotten to smile,
They are searching a reason for a while,

There is something that
Taste buds no longer differentiate bitter from sweet,
They have lost enthu in exquisite treat,

There is something that
Life has jingle of emptiness,
Living it has become a distress,

There is something that
A writer feels like writing,
Make a boring life exciting.

Copyright © 2016, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.

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Good people are like cupcakes. They are exquisite. They look very yummy. You crave for their love.
It can be easily seen in your eyes, that you want one. But you’re too scared.
So instead, you gaze longingly from a safe distance, wishing that you had one all of your own.
Well, let me tell you, cupcakes like these, they don’t last. They get snatched up and devoured.
And if you don’t act fast, they will be gone.

You eat that cupcake daily. But you never appreciate it.  The time you realize, it’s too late. It goes out of stock.

Now that cupcake of your life is gone, you think you’ll get another similar or better cupcake.. But somewhere down in your heart, you know that no other cupcake will please you. That your craving won’t be fulfilled by any other cupcake no matter how delicious, yummy, good looking and decorated it is.

So in case you get to find a cupcake so delicious that happens to blind you to think of any other, don’t be late. It deserves to know that it is exquisite. It deserves to know that you like it. It deserves to know that you love it. It deserves to know that you would never get bored of it no matter how many cupcakes you will get to see in your life.

Courtesy: Supergirl

Copyright © 2016, Aashish Barnwal,  Some rights reserved.

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Trembling fear in my mind,
All the courage I try to bind,
I aim to do everything in perfection,
After all, it’s all about the first impression,

Dreamy eyes and heart pure,
Never had such feelings before,
Wanna feel your electrifying charm, I can’t wait,
First date, it’s my first date,

Someone please brew me Felix Felicis,
In matters of love and heart, will it suffice?
Meeting you, Is it my fate?
First date, it’s my first date,

A hundred evenings of hope, I carry in my eyes,
An array of things, I’ve planned for you to surprise,
Girl! Please don’t be late,
First date, it’s my first date,

WhatsApp chats and Skype calls,
My heart to meet you inside howls,
The wait has finally come to an end,
I will finally taste the love’s wind,

My eyes are quenched to see you,
Vocal cords so desperate to talk to you,
Brain cells are ready to discover your inner beau,
My heart is pounding skipping heartbeats few,

I style my hair and wear the best cologne,
I look myself in mirror again and again,
To make sure everything has been rightly set,
First date, it’s my very first date,

On my way, the weather gets changed,
A sudden burst of rain leaving me drenched,
No cab, no bus, I am getting late,
First date, I don’t wanna ruin my very first date,

Somehow I manage to reach on time,
I see you waiting passionately for me,
My feelings for you seem to arouse inside,
The feelings, I am unable to hide,

Irresistible feelings of the naughty heart,
Let me speak it out, they are tearing me inside apart,
I never met someone so angelic and divine,
The moment when the whole world just seems to be mine,

Your cheeks glow softly in the candle light,
The curve of your lips that can easily hypnotise,
The beautiful eyes lovely to gaze,
You seem to be everything for me, I had been dreaming since days,

That nervousness in my voice, outta control,
I wish I could talk through my soul,
So many love stories, I’ve heard and seen,
Were those love or lust, I now know the difference in between,

We just kept looking at each other,
Words were few, and it was over,
But the experience we did share,
It’ll always be there,
A priceless evening without much talking,
I got someone who makes me wanna sing,
Years of crave for love is now quenched,
All thanks to you to make me feel love-drenched,

I have compiled the feelings as promised,
Please make sure nothing gets missed,
Had enough things this evening to anticipate,
First date, it was my very first date,

The most beautiful evening of my life, I must say,
I will cherish this memory night and day,
I hope to have a second date with you soon,
How about somewhere, just us under the moon?

Felix Felicis, also called Liquid Luck, is a magical potion that makes the drinker lucky for a period of time, during which everything they attempt will be successful.

Copyright © 2016, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.

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