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The love letters

December 25, 2022
My cute naughty baby,
Here is a hug from your Santa, to show he cares; to see you through; just hold me tight, and keep me near, ’tis a hug to show I’m always here.

This Santa loves you more than there are stars in the galaxy, and misses you like noone in this world has missed another. When someone asks me, why do I always look lost? What do I say to that. To the fact that I can’t stop my eyes from looking for you when I walk across the favorite restaurant of yours. To the fact that I burst with emotions when I smell your favorite flower, and wish you were here. To the fact that when I hear a joke, I find it hard to laugh alone. To the fact that your smile is the most valuable gift to me, and no money in this world can replace it. To the fact that even the cheesecake doesn’t taste as sweet as it used to when we ate it together. To the fact that I miss your smell when I wake up. To the fact that I no longer go for long evening walks around the Marina, because it reminds me of you. To the fact that I am not as focused and productive as I was when I was with you. To the fact that the only music I want to listen to is melancholic, because it reflects my mood. To the fact that all the words in this world have fallen short to express how much I miss you. To the fact that there is no happiness without you. To the fact that a life without you is a curse.
You see, there is no definite answer to that.
Merry Christmas, Love,
Your Santa ❤️

Copyright © 2022, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.

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December 19, 2022
Kristen,
In the ambition to create an identity for yourself, to become someone better, someone exemplary, don’t forget who you are. For that was the very person I met, and fell deeply in love with.

Love, nothing can make me happier seeing you chase your dreams to the end of the world, and achieve the greatest, great can ever be. No matter where I’m, I’ll always take pride in your accomplishments, and celebrate your success. For you are the most extraordinary person I know.

Kristen, what I’m trying to say is that… whatever you do, wherever you go, you’ll always find me by your side. I’ll be your shade in the scorching sun, and warmth in the spine-chilling winter. I’ll never let a smile leave your face, nor will I ever let tears roll out of your eyes.

Love you loads,
🐼

Copyright © 2022, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.

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February 14, 2020
Kristen,
It’s not very often that someone you talk to, intrigues and fascinates you in ways you never felt before. There was something in you, that charmed me in no time, like a magician playing tricks, effortlessly in front of awestruck audience. I am unsure of what it was that rendered me, spellbound, while talking to you. If I were to arrange it, in words, in the best of my abilities, I would picture you as a wave, crashing on the shores, making people go crazy, and want more of you. The most valuable art known to me, is the skill to keep the conversation moving. And, with you, it’s effortless, like a daily habit. I can talk to you for hours, and hours, and hours, and yet, it’s never enough. These days, my mind entertains nothing, but the thought of you. It’s irresistible to wait till next morning to hear your voice, one more time. Once a free bird, is now captivated by your enchanting voice, never to be freed again. When did I fall so deeply under your spell, Kristen. It’s hard to tell the time, or the moment. What I know is that I was already smitten by you, the moment I realized.

I always wondered, how two people end up spending rest of their lives together without getting bored. And then I met you. I have started to believe that rarely in your life, the stars align, and you get lucky enough to come across someone just perfect for you, who sets your heart on fire. And suddenly, you can’t imagine your life without her.

I have fallen head over heels in love with you, baby. I love you as bees love flowers and poets love poetry. I love you as icebergs love ship and fireflies love night. I love you as deserts love rain and drunkards love alcohol. I love you as cruises love seas and musicians love chords.
You flew like the autumn in my life with your pleasant refreshing breeze, and rendered me, colorful and significant. You’re to me, what water is to fishes. The potency of this love has no bounds, and I only wish, that some day, I would be able to carve it into words — for this small writing is vastly dwarfed by what I feel for you.

Copyright © 2020, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.

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September 25, 2018
Mary,
A thing in particular I don’t like about life is that sometimes, we get to know someone deeply only to realize later it wasn’t bound to last and a time comes when we have to let it go. It all starts as fun. We screw up sleeps only to live an extra hour in that enchantment. Slowly it grips us in its storm and before we know, it throws us to the other side of the emotional landscape where golden sunshines are annihilated by gloomy thunderstorms, pleasant autumns are taken over by harsh winters and rays of hope are veiled by incessant rains.

It has been said that people our hearts beat for leave a part of them in us marking our souls forever. I know our time was as ephemeral as all beautiful things in the world are. But if there was a moment ever when my presence brought upon your face a smile, my words made you chuckle and my voice comforted you in times of distress, I will assume my existence in this universe has made a mark upon your soul.

What is love, Mary? Is it the sum of all beautiful moments we had? Is love sweet? If it is, why is it that your love is hurting me like hell. Why is that, that thing in your life soured all the things we promised each other? Was our love that weak, Mary? Was it that brittle?

My words would never measure upto what I feel for you. Before I met you, I used to spend nights in silent contemplation of the void in my life. Looking up at the stars, and the moon in lonely nights, I wondered when my life would be miraculous. And then “us” happened. Your presence filled my dormant life with joy. How will I wake up without the crack of your sweet voice?

This is probably the last letter you’ll receive from me. I won’t be writing any more letters to you, for my mind has subdued my heart. All those letters you read were penned with heart, hence they might have felt real. Had mind interfered in between, there would have been a lot of logic, and calculation, and psychology, and words won’t have been the same.

Copyright © 2019, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.

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August 29, 2018
Mary,
The night is darker and lonelier than ever. I find a weird grave quietness in the air, the kind when the storm settles down silencing everything around. In this time of the hour, I wonder if you’ve gradually become my muse, for everything I write these days revolves around you. I am unsure if it’s your lingering charm or your stupendous attitude that I’ve started loving the darkness of silos and the only sound my mind entertains is of scribbling on my decade old rusty diary.

When did I fall so deeply under your spell, Mary? I’m probably at loss of words. There is a fundamental reason on why we fall for someone so easily, for the same reason we fall in love with stars and billion years old objects at first sight. There are forces in this world that can’t be reasoned with. And we mortals are weak in matters of heart.

Copyright © 2019, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.

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July 26, 2018
Mary,
You have destroyed me in the most beautiful way possible. My nights are restless. The days are better neither. Meeting you, I now know what’s it like to be in love. These days, my mind doesn’t entertain the thought of anything but you. I long for you as drought longs for rain.

Many years have passed. I still remember every small detail of our first meeting — the leaves falling in silence, the gentle breeze caressing your sun kissed brown hair, your blue dress embroidered with round golden pearls and your angelic face lighted up in joy. That morning, the nature had chosen the finest brush from her collection, dipped it in my favorite color of the year and painted the whole scenery cinnamon brown. It was as if she was preparing the perfect backdrop since a very long time for me to meet you. Everything was so perfect. If I have to choose one day from my life to go back to over and over again, it’s this.

And how can I forget that magical evening over coffee. Deeply lost in conversation, we were barely touching our cups. Time flew and before we realized, it was already an hour. You asked, “Shall we leave?”, and then looked me into the eyes. You instantly knew I wanted to spend more time with you. Open shade in the blue hour took place of the coffee table. We spent hours sitting there, completing each other’s sentences and contemplating on what the future might look like. If only some astronomical event had stopped the earth from spinning around its axis, I would have spent countless days, weeks, months talking to you. Because with you, it’s never enough.

Copyright © 2019, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.

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July 12, 2018
Mary,
Very few people in this world have the charisma to touch the lives of others. It’s irresistible to wait for the next morning just to hear your voice one more time. Albeit I haven’t known you for long, which I would love to, there are things ’bout you I know for sure, like the colors of your mood are hard to be painted even by the finest artists.

Mary, irrespective of whether anything happens between us in times to come, I would like you to wear a smile when you think of me, for that’s what I always do when I think of you. You are and will always, for me, be a person with immeasurable zeal, passion and compassion. In our time together, you’ve frustrated me, irritated me, confused me. But most importantly, you’ve made me feel again.

You know what’s so peculiar ’bout you? You are like music, an addiction. I can listen to you for hours and hours and hours and yet it won’t be enough to quench the thirst of the soul. You’re like a bright star twinkling in the darkest sky. I can gaze at you whole night and yet my eyes won’t tire.

I’ve read many love folklore, of Cinderella and Prince Charming, of Adam and Eve, of Romeo and Juliet. But ours will always be my favorite.

Copyright © 2018, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.
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July 9, 2018
Mary,
I don’t know what love is. All I have come to the terms after pondering on excerpts from books is that it changes you. You wake up one fine morning and feel something different in the air around you. You start liking things that you didn’t the night before. You feel extreme restlessness in everything you do and the only comfort is talking to the one you love. Mary, if I can be brutally honest, YOUR love has become my maze. There is no escape from this.
What is coincidence, Mary? Is it a sign from the universe or merely an inevitable happening? Was our meeting a fate written eons ago? Neither did I believe in stars nor understood the language of the universe until I met you and it changed everything. If I hadn’t met you, the universe would have made me realize that my life was incomplete and I would have looked for the missing puzzle my whole life until I would have found you.
If I get a chance to fall for you all over again, I would still choose the same month — When the glow on your face perfectly blended with the color of autumn, as if a fine artist made a painting and you came alive from it to meet me.

Copyright © 2018, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.
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July 8, 2018
Mary,
I just woke up and all I’m thinking bout’ is you. I feel distracted and my mind has taken the back seat. I open the window, see the sun going down the horizon and all I picture is taking a stroll with you until the stars make their way out of clouds and lie down there afterwards. Do you believe in afterlife, Mary? Or heaven? Your presence makes me feel there is one. I am unsure of what love is. But if I were to arrange it in words in the most beautiful way possible with the best of my abilities, I would picture it as an ocean which has no boundaries and stretches to infinity as far as one can see. I would picture it as alcohol which takes all the thoughts away and captivates one in its effect. I would picture it as the morning sunshine which annihilates darkness and brings hope that bright day is ahead.

You’ve done to me what spring does to cherry trees. You’ve changed me overwhelmingly in ways I could never have imagined. Your enchantment is like sleep. I fell for you slowly and then all at once.

Copyright © 2018, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.
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July 3, 2018
Mary,
I wonder if you’ve even the slightest clue on how much helpless I am finding myself today to express my deep feelings for you. For the first time ever in my life, I have fallen short of words. If only you were here, strolling quietly on the pavement with me, while cool breeze plays with your silky hair, I would have recited a poem in silence, for best of the conversations happen through eyes. No matter how powerful the words are, they are minuscule in matters of the heart.

Copyright © 2018, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.
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